Pregnancy; The First Trimester; Am I Dying?

     As I’m reaching towards the 6th week of my 4th pregnancy, I’m reflecting back on my previous 3 pregnancies. Each time I’ve thought I remembered what it felt like to be pregnant. I’ve heard of those Moms, the ones who feel great during pregnancy. They have energy, a glow and don’t experience any of the nausea or other issues many Moms like myself do. While each pregnancy has been different the symptoms have been fairly consistent, I find myself wondering, “Am I Dying?”

  • Endless fatigue. No, I’ not asleep, I’m laying here with my eyes closed, unable open them or move from this position. Maybe I’m dying? Is this what it feels like to be dying? Maybe I should go to the hospital. No, they’ll just tell me I’m pregnant. 
  • 24/7 nausea and burning stomach. I don’t think I have to puke…but I might as well sit by the toilet anyway. Hey, my toddlers are potty training, this may work out for both of us. How many tums are safe to eat in 24 hours?!
  • Forgetfulness. Where did I PUT my KEYS?!! Also, everything else I’ve lost today.
  • The hard hard transition from regular coffee to NO coffee or decaf. Dear coffee….someday we will be together again!! Thank you for all the wakeful mornings, and evenings. I haven’t forgotten you.
  • Just how wide my ass is going to get before delivery. I’m producing relaxin, my joints are spreading and my pelvis is widening. Time for one of those “Wide Load” signs they put on tractor trailers?
  •  The joint pain. Why do my shoulders/knees/hips/pelvis/back hurt? Oh that’s right, I’m spreading for this beautiful baby to grow and my joints now resemble gumby’s! Grow baby grow!
  • Peeing repeatedly in the middle of the night. I don’t remember drinking this much!! Do I really have to pee? Maybe I can drift back off to sleep and make it until 6. No, nope, definitely going to have to get up at 4 AM. Pray the kids don’t hear me and the dog stays asleep!!
  • Sweating, sweating for no reason at all and please excuse me while I go run to the bathroom to wash my armpits for the third time today! Oh and my crotch? Why is that sweating too?!!!! I’m not moving at all. In fact, I feel cold.
  • Looking for blood. Every of the 100 times a day I pee I look for blood. God please let this be a healthy pregnancy. Stay in there baby!!
  • Constipation. Oh wow, am I showing that much already?!! Oh wait, that’s right. My bowels have stopped moving and everything I eat now packs in like a piece of carry-on luggage you really don’t want to pay to check at the airport.
  • Break outs. I didn’t break out like this as a teenager. Why am I breaking out now?! Oh right, and everything I would like to put on my face is possibly toxic for the baby. Maybe I’ll try toothpaste. I read somewhere that toothpaste with baking soda is good for pimples. Hope hubby doesn’t mind the blue spots all over my face. 
  • Wait a minute…these shoes fit yesterday… I suppose it’s flip flops and these stretchy sneakers (the 90 year old woman next door has in a different color) for the next 32 weeks or so. I shouldn’t complain…where they lack in style they shine in comfort!
  • Is that a HAIR on my CHIN?!! My OB said these would fall out. Not true, not true. Dear children, for all future birthdays I would like laser treatments to zap this pregnancy beard I seem to be sporting. Or hey, maybe I’ll make this work and start chopping wood or something.

     While this may seem like complaining it’s not. I would do anything to grow my children and my body is a vessel designed to bring them into the world. I will cherish every nauseated sweaty moment because I know that in a few weeks I will feel you move baby! I will see your image on an ultrasound. I will feel you kicking, hiccuping and getting ready to join our family. I can’t wait for you to get here!! I will hold you to my breast, wrap you in a carrier and your brothers will welcome you into our loving loving home. There are toys everywhere, crayon on every wall and organic chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. So body, do what you must…and baby…I love you! Grow baby Grow! Love Mama.

Leave a Reply

Notify of